MY SPOUSE DOESN'T COMPLETE ME

…and he’s not meant to.

Marriage was never designed as a way to bring completion to a person. Jesus Christ is the only way we can find wholeness. Marriage was designed as a way to bless.


I absolutely love my husband and I love being married to him. He has blessed my life greatly. But he is not my source of contentment or hope. He is a human just like me. Two imperfect people brought together do not make one whole person. But they do have the potential to make a strong team and to enrich each other’s lives. As it says in the book of Ecclesiastes:

Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)

We hear this passage often recited at weddings. It’s beautiful and true. For the record, I don’t think this is talking exclusively about having a marriage partner. I think it is saying it’s good to do life with other people in general – with friends, family, and team or work mates. Life is better together.


My husband encourages me to be a better version of myself. He supports me in my dreams and gently pushes me forward when I feel like retreating into complacency. He gives me companionship. He comforts me when I’m sad or scared. He delights in my happiness. He has brought a new level of love into my life.


But he is not my contentment. He is not my saviour. Jesus is.


How often we look for people to satisfy us. It’s never going to happen. It’s impossible. If you want to get married, I vouch that marriage is beautiful. But if you think that you will have all of your needs met, have that void in your life filled, become a complete version of yourself when you find your spouse, you’ve mistaken what marriage and human relationship is.


There is only One who gives lasting satisfaction and that’s Jesus. Surrender your whole life over to Him – every big and small area and decision of your life – and then you will begin to know what true contentment feels like. Trust Him in everything. Always seek Him.

Trust in the LORD and do good. Then you will live safely in the land and prosper. Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you your heart’s desires. Commit everything you do to the LORD. Trust him, and he will help you. He will make your innocence radiate like the dawn, and the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun. Be still in the presence of the LORD, and wait patiently for him to act… (Psalm 37:3-7)

If you want a marriage that is beautiful and strong then find contentment in Christ. If you’re not yet married, don’t think your future spouse is the answer to your problems or solution to your discontentment. If you are married, see your spouse as your spouse, not as your Saviour. Look to Jesus as your source of contentment. Make Him your number one and make your spouse your number two. Your marriage will be so much better as a result of putting Jesus first.


Don’t place the expectations of an Almighty Saviour on a human. It’s unrealistic and unfair on your spouse and you will always be disappointed. Instead, give thanks for the blessing of your spouse – the beautiful gift given to you. Honour each other as the beautifully whole people that you are in Christ.


Marriage blesses. Jesus completes.

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© Shelley Ward